At least I used to be.
Then things happened. Some good, some not so good, some really bad. All of those things had an effect on my running. Not physically, mind you, but mentally. Especially the really bad thing. Long runs had once been my escape from the everyday craziness that was my life, but after the really bad thing happened, even thinking about a long run (or a short one, for that matter) brought on so much anxiety that I stopped. I made excuses: too cold, too hot, it looks like it might rain. But the truth was I was worried about being unreachable for any period of time. Who knew when another really bad thing might happen?
I was okay with this. It's not like I quit all exercise, just the forms of it that required me to be without my phone. Then that question started popping up: "You're a runner, aren't you?" Where I used to answer with a modest, "Well, I'm not that fast, but yeah," I now answered, "Umm, I haven't done any races in awhile...maybe when it's not so (cold, hot, rainy, etc.)..."
At one time Running and I were inseparable. Running was my BFF. We shared inside jokes and a love of Panera bagels. We listened to the same music. We both got excited at the site of a random Port-A-Potty. Running listened intently to my thoughts on every possible subject that excited or vexed me. We greeted each other with enthusiasm and parted with a weary, but heartfelt, "See ya tomorrow". I guess you could say we helped each other over bumps in the road...followed the same path...we were headed in the same direction. We had been together when the really bad thing happened.
Oh, of course this wasn't Running's fault. The association was just too much. I had been unreachable when I was needed. My dad had gone into cardiac arrest and I was out running. By the time I got the message, he was gone.
Every time I saw my running shoes sitting dejectedly by the door, I knew Running was out there, like a kid who is too shy to ring the doorbell of his buddy's house, just bouncing his basketball, hoping to be seen. Not obtrusive, just...waiting. I stuck the shoes in the closet.
Every time I saw my running shoes sitting dejectedly by the door, I knew Running was out there, like a kid who is too shy to ring the doorbell of his buddy's house, just bouncing his basketball, hoping to be seen. Not obtrusive, just...waiting. I stuck the shoes in the closet.
I guess you could say then that running and I became like facebook friends. I saw it's posts in the form of others out running. It's pictures of my other facebook friends completing races. It's pride as they logged their weekly mileage. In return, I posted tons of pictures of my kids (some selfies included). I shared every funny thing they said. And I hoped Running got the unspoken message: Sure I miss you, but see how busy I am? See how much fun I'm having? This is the important stuff. I can't justify missing it.
And we both seemed okay with that. For awhile, anyway. Then Running cornered me Small Town Grocery Store style, like coming face-to-face with the pastor's wife after loading your shopping cart with ice cream and wine. "How good to see you! We've missed you at church lately! We sure could use some help in the nursery..." *Sigh* "Yes ma'am. See you Sunday." Except it was a co-worker, whom I happen to admire for her tenacious approach to running. She doesn't like it, but she sticks with it because she has a goal. Was I was running the local half marathon this year? She was looking for someone to pace herself with.
*Sigh*
Fast forward to now. One week from the half. I just registered two days ago. Earlier today I completed 9 miles, my first and last long run before the race. Save the lecture. I know. But beyond the winter weight I had gained, I feared my long-postponed meeting with Running would be heavy with awkwardness. Like meeting an old pal from high school. So much had happened since we saw each other last. And that meeting was rife with chaos. And I have absolutely no good excuse for forsaking such a loyal friend.
So I just decided to go.
The first song up on my ipod was an upbeat tune that set a great cadence.
This is a new song. I think of you whenever I hear it, Running. I'm glad we're finally listening to it together.
Me too.
A bit further down the road, I realize I am comfortable in my running clothes, though I haven't worn them in so long. My shirt fits with the right amount of tightness around the right part of my ribs. Like a hug from one of my kids. My pants gather a bit at the small of my back. Like the reassuring touch of my husband.
Thank you, friend, for remembering.
A couple miles down and I have settled into an easy pace. Now, it seems, is the time for apologies.
I'm sorry...I never meant for it to be this long. I guess I needed distance.
Well, you are sure getting distance now!
Oh, those inside jokes!
Good one, Running! But really, I feel I owe you an explanation...
None needed. I know it wasn't me that let you down. It was simply terrible circumstances coupled with unfortunate timing. And you didn't let me down, either. I'm patient. I knew when you needed me you would come back. Now where to?
We are four or five miles in now. Decision making time. Running long distances in a small town is difficult. Stay too close to your house, the magnetic pull of all those homey comforts may become too much. Stray too far and emergency toilet availability bottoms out.
Haha, Running! Did you like that one? Pun totally intended!
Yep! But seriously, I think you should take the longer route.
Ya think?
You've done it before!
Well...you would know.
So we turn left, taking us further out of town. And towards a hill. Dang it.
I hate hills.
I know, but remember your mantra?
Strong on the uphill, steady on the down.
Good girl!
I still really hate hills...
Down to the last three miles now. This is when the screaming of various body parts becomes nearly deafening. I go to the quiet room in the very back of my mind. Running goes there with me. I venture forth with my first-world worries.
There's been a lot going on at work lately...
I worry about Keagan. He's so different than the other two...
Colin works so hard. I hope I am doing right by him, by the kids...
And some things a bit more lighthearted.
I really like the dude that plays Thor...
I loath skinny jeans...
I think I'm gonna stick with the red hair for a bit...
And some things totally random.
Cute duck.
Pretty flowers.
Sweet ride.
We are on the home stretch now. Literally. There is a stretch of road, at the end of which is my home.
Well, it looks like this is my stop.
Yes.
I haven't even taken the time to ask about you. How have you been?
I've been the same. I will always be the same. And I've enjoyed this. Please come visit any time.
With a human friend, this would be contrived. It would be stoic. Humans need the give and the take. With Running, the give is the take.
The big race is in one week. I will see you then old friend.
I'll be there with you. The whole way.
And we both seemed okay with that. For awhile, anyway. Then Running cornered me Small Town Grocery Store style, like coming face-to-face with the pastor's wife after loading your shopping cart with ice cream and wine. "How good to see you! We've missed you at church lately! We sure could use some help in the nursery..." *Sigh* "Yes ma'am. See you Sunday." Except it was a co-worker, whom I happen to admire for her tenacious approach to running. She doesn't like it, but she sticks with it because she has a goal. Was I was running the local half marathon this year? She was looking for someone to pace herself with.
*Sigh*
Fast forward to now. One week from the half. I just registered two days ago. Earlier today I completed 9 miles, my first and last long run before the race. Save the lecture. I know. But beyond the winter weight I had gained, I feared my long-postponed meeting with Running would be heavy with awkwardness. Like meeting an old pal from high school. So much had happened since we saw each other last. And that meeting was rife with chaos. And I have absolutely no good excuse for forsaking such a loyal friend.
So I just decided to go.
The first song up on my ipod was an upbeat tune that set a great cadence.
This is a new song. I think of you whenever I hear it, Running. I'm glad we're finally listening to it together.
Me too.
A bit further down the road, I realize I am comfortable in my running clothes, though I haven't worn them in so long. My shirt fits with the right amount of tightness around the right part of my ribs. Like a hug from one of my kids. My pants gather a bit at the small of my back. Like the reassuring touch of my husband.
Thank you, friend, for remembering.
A couple miles down and I have settled into an easy pace. Now, it seems, is the time for apologies.
I'm sorry...I never meant for it to be this long. I guess I needed distance.
Well, you are sure getting distance now!
Oh, those inside jokes!
Good one, Running! But really, I feel I owe you an explanation...
None needed. I know it wasn't me that let you down. It was simply terrible circumstances coupled with unfortunate timing. And you didn't let me down, either. I'm patient. I knew when you needed me you would come back. Now where to?
We are four or five miles in now. Decision making time. Running long distances in a small town is difficult. Stay too close to your house, the magnetic pull of all those homey comforts may become too much. Stray too far and emergency toilet availability bottoms out.
Haha, Running! Did you like that one? Pun totally intended!
Yep! But seriously, I think you should take the longer route.
Ya think?
You've done it before!
Well...you would know.
So we turn left, taking us further out of town. And towards a hill. Dang it.
I hate hills.
I know, but remember your mantra?
Strong on the uphill, steady on the down.
Good girl!
I still really hate hills...
Down to the last three miles now. This is when the screaming of various body parts becomes nearly deafening. I go to the quiet room in the very back of my mind. Running goes there with me. I venture forth with my first-world worries.
There's been a lot going on at work lately...
I worry about Keagan. He's so different than the other two...
Colin works so hard. I hope I am doing right by him, by the kids...
And some things a bit more lighthearted.
I really like the dude that plays Thor...
I loath skinny jeans...
I think I'm gonna stick with the red hair for a bit...
And some things totally random.
Cute duck.
Pretty flowers.
Sweet ride.
We are on the home stretch now. Literally. There is a stretch of road, at the end of which is my home.
Well, it looks like this is my stop.
Yes.
I haven't even taken the time to ask about you. How have you been?
I've been the same. I will always be the same. And I've enjoyed this. Please come visit any time.
With a human friend, this would be contrived. It would be stoic. Humans need the give and the take. With Running, the give is the take.
The big race is in one week. I will see you then old friend.
I'll be there with you. The whole way.
